What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
