I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
