There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
