If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
