Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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