It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
