plz talk dirty to me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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