I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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