Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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