So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
