I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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