Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
