My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
