we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
