my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
