just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
