Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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