I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
