We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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