the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
