I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
