im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
