People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize