saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
