Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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