ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
