You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
