I'm so fucking centered right now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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