If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had sex on a roof
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
