Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
