you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
