Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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