Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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