My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
