i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
