Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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