He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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