if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
