Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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