I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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