the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize