I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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