do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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