I'm so fucking centered right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
