3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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