alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
