I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
