Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
