The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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