is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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