someone get that fucking seahorse.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
