you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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