So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
