Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
