grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
