I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
