You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
