actually, I'm a sock model
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
