If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
