I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
