I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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