i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
