How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
