why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
